WordWhore

This year’s Thanksgiving Turkey Award goes to …

[drum roll please]

Splog links to blog posts! Accepting the award for The Sploggers is Mr. D’Elliout Nestle.

Thank you very much ladies and gentlemen of the online community award designation section of macewan.net. I’m proud to accept this award in the name of my partners, many of whom speak no English; or utilize English as their second language; or who computer-generate text in small splog-boxes.

Many American sports heroes thank their mothers, Jesus, steroidal injections, or a special teacher from high school for the inspiration received, for the drive instilled, and for the wherewithall for success. Me? I want to thank LonelyGuy241, YerGeekFreind, and my e-girlfriend LaWanna Sestwidu who stood by me during my late night splogging session with mass quantities of caffeine and LSD.

Keep on keeping on. God bless you. God bless the United States of America, where you think I live. Thank you.

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Enough of that silliness.

Speaking of the United States — it doesn’t work as a moniker. Isn’t it a boring name? So plebeian and pedestrian. Couldn’t our foremothers have kicked our forefather’s asses and made them come up with something a little more lyrical? Even the word “Peru” is pretty, almost charming in its simplicity, compared to United States. Our country’s name sounds like it should be a flashing neon sign in the window of a strip-mall store. The names of our states, our federation, ring with musical charm — Arkansas, Oregon, North Carolina — why couldn’t our part of the “America” group naming system have been more fetching? Think about the names of other countries in North, Central, Latin, South America… our name sucks in comparison.

And where is our melting pot? Xenophobes forget our heritage. At the very least we should have been called “Open States”. I’m going for the French, Les États-Unis d’Amérique. If you can use a true French accent, it’s beautiful. Sounds a bit more musical.