Brown Street Studio update - The Frail Elderly

The gallery is almost complete, shelves are 80% built and many of the works are on display. The light box for photographing the boxes and ephemeric-containment-units is a work-in-progress itself. Meanwhile, this comment on Jane Gross’s NYT blog “The New Old Age” is a poignant reminder of our household’s “other life”, the one who is not at home. The one we love.

While caregiving for my mother, who declined quickly over two years with COPD, osteoporosis, congestive heart, macular degeneration, broken hip —none in themselves “terminal” but all dramatically life limiting —I felt very alone. At times I almost envied families dealing with cancer –there were very specific disease-oriented support groups, club houses/Gilda’s Club. We who experienced our parents dying of “nothing” but everything are alone in our challenge to try and coordinate care, understand where they are on the arc of life…it was SO frustrating and discouraging.

Any kind of support we can get for declining parents is better than the nothing that’s available here. The solace I have is now I can share the hard won lessons from my family’s experience with my friends who are just a little behind me on the curve. I grieve the fact we didn’t have this and had to invent our own care program.

Frail elderly and their families are woefully forgotten in the big picture; treated as a series of symptoms and not as whole person whose needs are increasing and whose health is permanently declining.

The idea our parents can go to “rehab” and recoup is wrong. The truth is, frail elderly will never be better than the first day they were sent to the ER.

Truth, treating the whole person and understanding a final chapter of life of a beloved individual seems the least we should get, but it’s the hardest to get.

We need each other to walk this path. I hope we can help each other. This blog is a great start.

— Helen’s daughter